Of Maple and Mistakes
by OneLetteredWonder
Summary: Matt is secretly in love with Matthew, but he can't help but feel like he's a not good enough for his double. During a moment of blinding jealousy, Matt feels he might have made the biggest mistake of his life. 1p x 2p Canada. Infatuation universe. Slight depression warning.
1. Meeting Day 1

**Warning:** I don't know if it's a big deal, but there is more swearing throughout this story. Just so ya know. As well as mentions to depression/self hate. I am sorry.

* * *

Matt sits up as Luciano begins to speak. He's been leaning back ignoring the speakers the whole meeting but ignoring Luciano is not something he's willing to risk. He's made the mistake of ignoring Luciano once, which ended in brawl between the two. Naturally he can defend himself against the small Italian's attacks, but Luciano is a force to be reckoned with, a point proven again and again. The last time that point proved true was when he flipped not only Al, his brother America, but Lutz, the representation for Germany, over his shoulders in fury. That meeting had been interesting.

Matt bites down on the pencil sticking out of his mouth. These meetings aren't the worst thing in the world, just horribly boring. There are three of them a year, spanning over a week, where all the nations of both worlds group together to talk about how to fix issues. Matt would rather be wrestling with a bear honestly. The moment Luciano finishes speaking, Matt goes back to ignoring everything. Well almost everything. He can't help but notice Luciano glaring at his brother and his brother's double. Matt also notices the hand Luciano's holding underneath the table. Matt grinds down on the pencil. He's only slightly angry that Luciano managed to be with his double, Feliciano.

Matt switches his attention to something, in his opinion, more interesting before he gets too worked up. The person next to him is smaller, with a thinner build, and his eyes shimmer like the aurora borealis at night. Matt swears he can see them sometimes, making patterns in Matthew's bright eyes. His double is petting a small bear in his lap, a bear that once brought Matt to the ground in excitement of having two Canadas. He did not expect the bear to have so much strength, but then again, he didn't expect Matthew too either. That's another one of Matt's mistakes.

Matt remembers distinctly how he felt when the gate between the two worlds opened for the first time. The nations from his world thought it an invasion of some sort and moved to defend themselves. He fought right beside Al for the first time in a long time. After all had calmed down, it had been explained that the England from the other world accidentally opened a gateway to the two worlds connecting them. Luciano decided it best they join up with their counterparts, then go from there. When he figured out there was two of him, Matt planned on killing the other version of himself. There could only be one Canada, and that's Matt.

Then he found his double. His facial features softer, a bright smile just for Matt, a polar bear at his side, and the only thing that went through Matt's head was, 'Crap, he's fucking adorable.' He hadn't been expecting his double to look so cute. While everyone else worked to find their double, he saw how everyone seemed to walk around, or even through Matthew. His instincts kicked him in the heart. He wanted to protect Matthew from everything and anything, felt like he needed to shelter Matthew from the horrors of the world.

It hadn't been long till Matt learned his mistake. Matthew did _not_ need protection. Matthew, being polite and trying to be friendly, invited him to a hockey game soon after the first meeting, and Matt thought he would need to make sure Matthew didn't get lost in the crowds or the fans wouldn't cause a problem. The only issue with his logic being that Matthew had been the one to _cause_ the problem, a riot breaking out in the stadium. They ran from the police, hiding in Matthews house until all calmed down. Matt swore he never heard a more beautiful thing than Matthew's quiet laughter.

When it came time for the ones from his world to go back home, Matt hid away as they went through the gateway, with plenty of help and Al's encouragement. He spent a week at Matthew's house, at Matthew's request. That's when the tiny polar bear jumped him. At first Matt thought a wild bear had broken into the house, but the bear padded at his chest and demanded food from him. Matthew laughed at that, explaining how Kumajiro has been his constant companion. They stayed inside, talking late into the night about the history they shared and yet never had together. Matthew opened up to him immediately, soon showing his more sarcastic and teasing side. Matt knows now Matthew doesn't need anything like protection, but likes someone to talk to, to remember always who he is and what he's done. His soft smiles and delicious food making Matt fall _hard_. He's lost his edge, has gone soft. He knows it's a mistake to love Matthew more than anything, but he does.

Matt accidentally bites his pencil in two when he glances back at Luciano and Feliciano holding hands, his anger getting the best of him. Matthew lets out a snort, covering up his face in the bear's fur. Matt glares at the ground to avoid eye contact with his double. Matthew makes him weak and crazy. Matt knows that most of the nations from his world came from darkness and insanity. Fighting for survival is all they've ever known. These other nations, from a smiling more peaceful world, brought happiness into their lives. Even though some of them are happy enough, or do not like to admit the change, Matt knows. These other nations make them all soft, and less violent. Being less violent is a plus.

"Nice bite bear jaw," Matthew whispers to him between his chuckles. Matt brings a hand up to his face to cover the blush that is _not_ making it's way onto his cheeks, his sunglasses helping just a little. Matthew always makes him flush up and it bugs Matt sometimes. He's not used to feeling so much, so the emotions he feels make him a little panicked. Matthew is smiling at him, and his heart can't take it. This is all a mistake. Matt sits forward, resting his chin in his hand, to hide his face from Matthew's sight. He listens to Matthew's gentle reassurances to Kumajiro, to 'be patient' and 'the meeting's almost over'.

* * *

"Dude. What the fuckery did you do to this pencil?" Al's looking at his accidentally bitten in half pencil in awe, holding both ends together to make it look like it's still one piece. Matthew hides his giggles in the fur of his bear. Matt rolls his eyes, not really in the mood for Al's crap. Then again, he's never in the mood for Al's crap. The four of them, Canadas and Americas, make their way back up to the hotel the nations are being housed in for the week. Alfred, the America of the other world, and Matthew's brother, is the host for these meetings, being one of the biggest habitable nations of the other world. According to Matthew, also the one with the most conspiracies to hold open a gate strong enough for all of them to pass through. It's a decent enough hotel, it has to be or someone will complain. Matt's room is very close to Matthew's.

The sun is setting lower in the sky than it usually is when they head back to the hotel. They had waited outside for Matthew to finish packing up his stuff. Matt won't admit he knows something stalled his double. He knows how long it takes Matthew to actually get his stuff together. The other's didn't notice. While he is curious as to what took his attention, Matt knows that's a creepy question, so he refrains from asking, knowing it'd be a mistake.

"So I'm thinking dinner yeah? There's that diner on the other side of the street we could try?" Alfred is looking between the group of them excitedly. Of course food is what he's thinking about. Matt didn't believe Matthew when he told him that Alfred could eat a more than anyone he's ever met. After one of their first dinners out together, Matt believed him.

"Only if they have some vegetarian dishes porkchop~" Al coos, latching onto Alfred's arm, who in turn jerks away from him. The two of them get into a a light scuffle, pushing at each other and teasing. The scene makes Matthew laugh, so Matt figures it can't be all that bad. Al is always teasing Alfred, trying to get a reaction out of him. When Al found out Alfred ate meat, he almost cried. Al is a crybaby.

It's been like this for a while. The four of them gravitate to each other after every meeting, to talk about what to do next or life in general. That's not entirely true. Matt wouldn't have spent this much time with his brother out of his own doing. However, Matt gravitated to Matthew, who went with Alfred, who has Al latched onto him. Matt likes it though to be honest. Not only does it give him time to be closer to Matthew, time he loves, but him and Al haven't gotten this much along since they had been colonized so many years ago. He still likes to pound Al to a pulp, the little shit deserves it, but it's a less angry feeling than before. Matt blames Matthew.

He's quiet throughout dinner, like usual, stealing glances at Matthew, who notices them all and smiles at him. Matt tries to hide his blush as best he can with his sunglasses. Matthew always found a way to make him flare up with feelings. Al throws small bits of food to Alfred who tries to catch them in his mouth, and fails mostly, food hitting him in the face. Matthew interjects a conversation topic and the two America's are squabbling over their words. Matt's eyes flash to Matthew, with his soft smile and teasing tone. There's a dark part of Matt that surfaces and makes him feel that _he's_ a mistake.

* * *

Back in his shared room with Al, Matt rests on his bed with a pillow over his face. His dark thoughts from earlier coming back to haunt him. Matthew is amazing and sweet and perfect in every way and Matt feels it's a mistake to love him. Not because Matthew isn't deserving of love, but because Matt's love isn't good enough for him. Matthew deserves the very best in everything and Matt's not it. He's awkward and violent and testy. He doesn't feel good enough to be near Matthew sometimes, mostly on his really bad days, but there's always this constant nagging that he'll never be enough for someone as amazing as Matthew. There's no way he could see Matt as anything other than what Matt feels he is, a mistake to this world and his own.

* * *

 **AN:** Welp! Here it is! The first chapter to the second story in Infatuation~ Hope you all enjoy :D

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong to me


	2. Meeting Day 2

**Warning:** Slight depression and self hate mentioned. I am sorry.

* * *

The next day at the meeting, Matt is exhausted. His dark thoughts from the night before kept him up to torture him and woke him up early to sit in silence. He tried to stay in bed for as long as could, pretending to sleep, relaxing himself, but it got him nowhere. He's got bags under his eyes and scowl on his face. The scowl is mostly due to Al's singing to get him out of bed. He sang a rancorous song, the French National Anthem, _really_ badly and _really_ loud. It just made Matt want to punch his brother in the face, but it got him out of bed, if not only to throw Al out of his room. None of the speakers today have anything important to say that involves Matt and his country, so he clunks his head on the desk and tries to sleep again.

It works for the most part, which he's thankful for. He drifts in and out of a sleepy state, woken up once or twice by some country yelling at another. It bugs him but it's partially his fault for thinking he could have a semi-peaceful sleep in the middle of all these over grown children, namely the Americas. He's woken up the last time by a hand petting his hair, which he wants to ignore and tell them to knock it off at the same time. Probably just Oliver, trying to be a father figure. He opens his eyes to see Matthew smiling down at him. Matt is caught off guard by the softness of Matthew's expression. Matthew's eyes sparkle and leans close to Matt to whisper to him.

"Go back to sleep," his soft voice sounds like a lullaby, so Matt closes his eyes again, and let's Matthew pet him. Matt doesn't fall asleep though, too aware of the hand on his head. He feels like he's making a mistake, letting Matthew baby him. Matthew should be the one being pampered, having soft hands play with his hair, not Matt. He's a bit upset with himself. Matthew is so loving to him and Matt feels like he doesn't deserve such kindness from him. But right now, he's to selfish to move.

* * *

Matthew is delighted Matt is sleeping. He noticed the bags under Matt's eyes before he even said 'hello'. So when Matt put his head on the table to try and sleep, Matthew felt relieved. Trying to soothe the larger man, Matthew ran a hand through his hair. Matt woke up to the action, but after Matthew's soft whisper to him, he fell right back asleep. He smiles at Matt's peaceful sleeping face.

Matthew watches Matt breath. He knows how much burden weighs on Matt's shoulders. During one of their late night talks, Matthew had gotten his double to open up and share some of his history and struggles. He held the world on his back during World War II, and had been one of the few left standing after Luciano's reign of terror. In his world Matt is one of the strongest, and the largest land mass. Matthew is up top in his world too, but Matt outranks him, by just a little, which he doesn't mind. Matt's history is more bloody and more involved than Matthew's, so he figures Matt deserves some recognition.

Matt's a grumpy person, but Matthew enjoys his company nevertheless. One of first times Matt ever came to visit him, it had been a beautiful summer day, so Matthew had all the doors and windows open to let in the breeze. He spent the day cleaning, making his home presentable. The only problem being Matt showed up an hour earlier than Matthew thought he would. So Matt got to see him dancing around in his kitchen, singing wildly into a broom. Matthew hadn't been embarrassed by the sudden audience, but Matt turned beet red. It had to have been one of the cutest things Matthew's ever seen. However, the soft chuckle and the small smile that Matt showed after Matthew told him the song he'd been dancing to is called 'American Idiot', took the prize. It had been one of the only times Matthew had seen some happy expression on Matt's face, and he wanted to see it again.

* * *

The meeting ends with a bang. Literally. Kuro, the Japan from his world, set off fireworks in the direction of the Chinas causing an Asian nation screaming match. Matt doesn't know how the fight ends because he doesn't stick around to watch it. Some tried to calm them down, but when Luciano gave up and left, he and the other nations took that as a sign the meeting is over. They just walked out, leaving the Asian countries to yell by themselves.

"Hahaha Kuro is the best!" Al is cackling on their walk back to the hotel, tripping over himself as he laughs. Matt still feels tired, thinking about taking a nap back at his room. Alfred groans.

"Dude not funny, _I_ have to clean that mess up."

"I don't know Alfred, I think it really _lit_ up the room," Matthew teases his brother. Alfred gives him a pained expression, going off about how Matthew is his brother and should be helping him. Matt starts to slow down in his walking, not really feeling up to the fast pace of those around him. Alfred is full of puppy like energy and Al isn't far behind. Matthew has more strength than he lets on, keeping up with the two is easy for him. Matt can't do it today.

Matthew notices though, telling the Americas to go on ahead, dropping his speed to match Matt's. Matthew engages him in simple conversation, replying to Matt's simple grunts and short answers. Matt is amazed that Matthew is talking to him, but feels awful for taking him away from better talking partners. He feels that he slows Matthew down and it hurts him. Matthew deserves the world, and Matt knows he can't give it to him.

Once again, late at night Matt is plagued by thoughts on how he's a mistake to this world, how Matthew would be better off without him. His smaller self always backed up his pace, or engaged Matt in talk or events, and Matt feels guilty for holding Matthew back. Matt has been having issues like this for a long time now. Horrible thoughts about himself. Matt knows who he is and that he's strong and a worthy person, but something about Matthew makes him feel like he needs to be more than himself. He knows these thoughts aren't healthy and he's tried to stop them. He just wishes he could give Matthew everything, but feels he has nothing to offer.

* * *

 **AN:** Poor Matt baby... ah yeh! Second chapter! Hope you guys are enjoying it :D

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong to me


	3. Breakfast

Matt wakes up early again. His dark thoughts kept him up late and wake him up two hours before he needs to get up for the meeting. He wishes he could have a decent night's sleep during meeting days, but luck is not in his favor. He groans and rolls out of bed to get ready, opting to take an extra long shower. His room is stuffy when he exits the bathroom, making his clothes cling to his skin. It bugs Matt. His home is open and full of trees, he misses the land. He needs to go outside.

He's tying his long hair back into a low ponytail with a ribbon on his way through the lobby when a mop of blonde hair catches his attention. Matthew's head snaps up from his seat on the couches as he hears Matt approach, a smile breaking across his face. It makes Matt's chest spark with happiness. Matthew stands to come near him. Just as he's about to speak, he gets swept off his feet. A man with silver hair is spinning Matthew in circles, rubbing their faces to together, laughing way too ridiculously loud for a morning. Matt has the urge to tear the man off and steal Matthew away. It's Matthew's laugh, a loud laugh, that stills Matt's jealous urge. Matthew's face is bright with delight and Matt can't help but watch.

A gentle hand on his arm makes Matt jerk just the slightest. Klaus, the Prussia from his world, is looking up at him, a sympathetic smile on his face. Matt relaxes just a tiny bit. Klaus is a long time friend to him and Al, having trained them both at times in their lives. Many times Klaus has run away from his home in East Germany to Matt's house to vent, rant, and in general throw things. Matt doesn't mind. He has a special room, full of broken furniture, just for destroying things that he lets Klaus take full advantage of when he needs to 'yell'. Klaus is decent company, far better than some. They stare as Gilbert, the Prussia from the other world, ruffles Matthew's hair, making the blonde complain.

"I'm so hungryyyyy" Gilbert whines, putting his arms around his stomach like he hasn't eaten in days. Gilbird peeps in agreement from the top of his owners head. Matt knows that's not true. He saw Gilbert snacking during the meeting the other day. Besides, Gilbert eats twelve meals a day, according to Matthew. Matt sees Klaus roll his eyes and jerk a thumb towards the exit, anticipation in his features. Gilbert's face lights up as he skips over to throw an arm over Klaus's shoulder, another laugh pouring from his lips.

"Breakfast sounds _so good_ right now. You wanna come?" Gilbert is bouncing in his spot. Matt doesn't know entirely what to think of Gilbert. He knows he and Matthew are friends, but he's so full of energy, Matt doesn't know where he gets it from. Matt turns his head away when Matthew agrees to join them. It makes Matt a bit upset, he sort of hoped that Matthew would get breakfast with him. His dark thoughts hit him in the face, and Matt thinks that Matthew wouldn't have wanted to get breakfast with him in the first place. That's a mistake Matt doesn't want to make again. Hoping could be dangerous.

The three of them start to head towards the exit. Matt lets them leave, starting his own walk to the back of the hotel to get some air and be away from people. The gentle voice that calls his name makes him stop. He considers ignoring the voice, but can't. He could never ignore it. He turns his body sideways to see Matthew standing halfway between the exit and Matt, a confused expression on his face. He smiles when they make eye contact.

"Matt where are you going?" Matthews voice is light and cheerful, making Matt's face heat up. Matt tries to keep his head together but it's difficult with Matthew regarding him with such a kind expression. He gulps, not trusting his words, and points in the direction of the exit on the other side of the building. The action causes laughter to bubble from Matthews lips, who closes his eyes and shakes his head slightly. The sound makes Matt falter. He likes the sound of Matthew laughing, the darker part questioning if Matthew is laughing at him.

"After Gilbert and Klaus _just_ invited us to join them for breakfast? That's rude Matt," Matthew's giggling into his hand. Matt's eyes flicker to the exit to see Gilbert and Klaus smiling at him, waiting. Matthew angles himself towards the Prussia's and nods his head towards the exit. Matt blinks in shock. He thought they just invited Matthew, it didn't occur to him that they wanted to eat with him too. Matt takes a hesitant step forward and the grin on Gilbert's face grows.

"Come on slowpoke before all the bacon's gone!" Gilbert yells across the lobby, turning a few heads his way, but the excitable silver head is dragging Klaus out the door to food with Gilbird flapping behind them. Matt can feel the blush on his face grow at the sudden call to attention. Matthew his holding out a hand to him lazily. For one quick moment, Matt thinks Matthew will hold his hand, an action Matt though never possible with his double. As he gets closer, Matthew chuckles and drops his hand. Matt can't say he's not disappointed, but he's not surprised. Why would Matthew want to hold his hand. Matthew waits for Matt to be in line with him before he starts to follow the older countries out the door.

* * *

On the walk over to the diner that Gilbert insists is 'one of the only awesome ones' near the hotel, Matthew's thoughts wonder as they tend to do. He thinks of his home up in the mountains of Canada, he misses the quiet town that lives below him. He thinks of Kumajiro, who is sleeping in his room, though the lazy bear did wake to make Matthew promise to get him food. He thinks mostly of the tall, brooding man next to him. He glances to Matt who is looking at him. Matthew smiles at him, causing Matt to turn his head away sharply, a blush probably creeping onto his face. Gilbert is yabbering away to Klaus, dragging his smaller double around as he signs to Gilbert to converse.

Matt isn't a mystery to Matthew anymore, which he is very thankful for. He and Alfred tried to calm some nations down when the gate opened, Arthur eventually able to explain the situation. Matt at first had been one of the scariest thing's Matthew had ever seen. A buffer, taller lumberjack version of himself that seemed like he could kick down a building. Matthew had seen Matt first and almost couldn't believe that his double could be that attractive. He saw the emotions flicker across Matt's features when he laid eyes on Matthew. The anger, the hesitance, and the embarrassment. During their secret slumber party, Matthew really got to know him. He started to learn all of the subtle changes in Matt's face, to his hidden emotions. He knows now that Matt is shy and easily embarrassed, contrary to himself. It's a fact Matthew likes to exploit and does every chance he gets.

His thoughts drift to the talk he had with Feliciano the day before. Matthew corralled the bubbly Italian after the meeting ended the first day. It had been a pleasant surprise to find that the aloof Italian remembered his name. Matthew asked him right out, how he came to be _with_ his other self. Feliciano and Luciano are the only one's he knew of in a relationship with their double and Matthew had been extremely curious as to how that _worked_. Feliciano burst into a fit of giggles at the question removing any tension that may have been connected to their conversation topic. He became serious though, bringing a hand to his mouth, and turning his head up to the ceiling in deep thought.

"It's not that weird actually. We're the same, and yet different, and it makes the relationship work since he knows me, because he is me. I know better than anyone that Luciano would protect me against any real monsters. He's just really misunderstood I think." Feliciano beamed at his semi-philosophical answer. Matthew is almost surprised by his answer, not knowing the Italian had those kind of thoughts in him. Being older and coming from a very culture rich land, he figures that's how Feliciano knows as much as he does.

"Misunderstood eh?" It's a very plausible answer. Matt always seemed to be thinking about something or mistaken for angry when he really didn't get enough sleep or got into a fight with Al.

"Well si! The world they come from is full of meanies and bad people, so most of them are on their guard and hard to understand. It's to protect themselves." Feliciano got kind of sad at the revelation, casting his eyes down to the ground and nearly tearing up. It made Matthew realize how truly _upset_ Feliciano is that the other versions of themselves came from such a dark place. His smile quickly returned though when he noticed Luciano coming their way. After a quick hug, Matthew left to join up with his brother and their doubles.

Matthew steals a quick glance at Matt, his face blank and tired looking. If there isn't an angry expression of sort on Matt's face, it's exhaustion. Matthew feels his heart ache in worry. He hopes Matt's getting enough sleep at night, especially since it's meeting time. The meetings are taxing on their own, but being tired during them makes them so much harder to get through. Not to mention there are five days of them, so it's a constant struggle when not enough sleep is gotten.

Matthew knows he's falling for his double. He loves all of Matt's gruff expressions and the way he wears sunglasses to hide his blush. When Matt tried to protect Matthew, he thought his actions the cutest thing, but his feelings blossomed so much more when Matt realized Matthew didn't need protection, and then just decided to stay by his side, just in case. Every time they have a meeting together, Matt comes right over to Matthew first to say 'hello' just to make sure that Matthew knows he's there, that Matt sees him. Matt makes him feel loved. Of course there are others who love him, like his brother or his father figures, even Gilbert, but Matt makes him feel normal. He feels at complete ease with the mountie of a man next to him. Maybe one day Matthew will have the courage to confess his feelings. Maybe one day Matt will give him a sign he feels the same way. That day is not today. Right now, Matthew is just content to spend time with him.

* * *

The diner they're at is cute and has a very homey atmosphere. There are some other nations there, the ones with time zones that wake them up, enjoying the morning light. The four of them get a booth near the back with a big window. Matthew slides in first and Matt awkwardly sits next to him, a little big for the table. Luckily the table isn't bolted down, and they can push it closer to the Prussias. Gilbert doesn't mind since now he's closer to the food. Matthew is only slightly squished for room with his bigger double next to him. After they order, Gilbert starts talking a mile a minute, telling Matthew all about the pranks he's pulled and what he's done this time to bug Ludwig, the Germany from his world, his little brother, then going on to describe what he's done to bug Lutz, the Germany of the other world, Klaus's little brother.

"I haven't been here in forever," Matthew muses as their food comes. He and Matt both ordered pancakes, which they were both graciously teased for. Matt hid his face, which brought on another round of teasing until Matthew told Gilbert to 'stuff a sausage in it'. Both stacks of pancakes are properly soaked in maple syrup, which Matthew produces out of thin air. Matt knows it came from his pocket, but the astounded look on Klaus's face has Matthew laughing, so he doesn't spoil the 'magic' as Klaus calls it. Gilbert stuffs his face full of food while Klaus rips little bits of toast to feed the bird perched in Gilbert's hair, taking small bites for himself. He and Matthew are slowly making their stacks smaller, taking their time to enjoy their food.

"I think the last time we came here together was what? Fifteen years ago? For our date?" Gilbert lets out a rambunctious laugh and Matthew giggles between bites of food. Matt stops halfway through bringing up a forkful of food to his face. He looks down to the food in front of him, his dark tinted sunglasses hiding his wide eyed expression. He hopes. He puts his fork back to his plate.

"It ended terribly with you soaked in maple syrup and me dripping wet," Matthew is laughing all out now and Matt is frozen solid. Matthew and Gilbert? Dating? Matt feels his stomach drop to his feet. Of course, Matthew would go for someone who is talkative and easy to get along with. Matt is not like that. He's quiet and dark. It makes his stomach turn to think of Matthew and Gilbert together, a pit of jealousy worming its way through him.

"First and last wasn't it?" Gilberts snickering is cut off by him stuffing more food into his face. Klaus is rolling his eyes at the scene, petting the small yellow bird that moved to his hands. Matthew's laughter is subsiding, he pops another bit of pancake in his face before answering.

"Oh my god, I don't know what Francis and Alfred were thinking setting us up. The friendship gained however is pretty awesome though," Matthew is smirking up at Gilbert, whose eyes light up with fire at the use of his favorite word. Gilbert proceeds to ramble on about how awesome the word awesome is. Matt's eyes are flickering to Matthew, watching him give Gilbert attention. Matt wants his attention, and he feels bad for it. Matthew is too good for him. He knows that Matthew can give his attention to someone else. Matt is just upset that the one he's giving his romantic attention to is not him. The thought makes him grimace. Matt's never been jealous before. Not like this.

A phone chirps. Klaus scrambles for his cellular device. He makes a disgusted face at the contraption. Suddenly he's pushing at Gilbert roughly to get out of the booth. Gilbert whines about how he's not done eating, reaching his hands out trying to get back to the food. Klaus holds up his phone for Gilbert to read, glaring at his double. The talkative nation makes the same disgusted face.

" _Apparently_ I'm supposed to say things today, Ludwig needs me to go save him, so un-awesome," Gilbert pouts but Klaus pulls at his arm to get him moving. Gilbert snatches one more piece of bacon, putting the strip halfway into his mouth so it hangs out half way. Both Prussia's wave to them as they exit the diner, Gilbert waving a ridiculous amount more than necessary. They are nearly running back to the hotel. Matt is still trying to control his feelings. He's never felt this emotion so strongly before.

Matthew smiles at the scene of them running to the hotel. Gilbert turning his head to smirk at Klaus. He and Gilbert have been friends for years after their awkward only date. He made sure Alfred and Francis apologized many times for their actions. Gilbert is one of the few that made sure to include Matthew when not that many people knew him or even saw him. Matthew notices Matt glaring at the table, his sunglasses doing nothing to hide his expression from the side. His hands are balled into fists on his legs. Curiosity overcomes Matthew and he places a gentle hand on Matt's arm. The bigger nation tenses even more. Slowly Matt tilts his head to look at Matthew.

"Gilbert's just a friend," Matthew tells him reassuringly. Matthew is trying to find a hint of what Matt is thinking in his stoic expression. The way Matt glared at the table worried Matthew. He's not entirely sure what made Matt angry but he feels it had something to do with the comment about his one disastrous date with Gilbert. Matthew wants Matt to know it only happened once, and that it's not a thing anymore. He's trying to assure Matt it's nothing, but Matt just treats him nicely is all. There is no reason for Matt to need assurance. That small thought sends an ache through Matthew. He wishes he could hold Matt's hand the way Feliciano holds Luciano's, but that's a far fetched dream and Matthew holds onto the content he feels just having Matt around. It hurts, but he will endure to keep Matt around.

Matt grits his teeth at Matthew's words and worried expression. He can't help the jealousy pulling at his insides at Matthew's non-existent romantic relationship with Gilbert. He knows Matthew is too good for him, but that doesn't stop him from wanting Matthew to not be with anyone else. His thoughts confuse him, making his mind muddled. He's angry he wants Matthew to be with him and only him because Matt can give his everything to Matthew and it wouldn't be enough. He wants Matthew to be happy, even when it's not with him, but it still hurts. His feelings are taking over his mind and the dark thoughts emerging only make it worse.

"Matt? You okay?" Matthew leans up close, moving Matt's sunglasses to peer into his eyes. He's so worried, Matt hasn't said anything. While Matt is of few words normally, to not make any movement is scaring Matthew. Matt wants to pull away, but can't. Matthew is so close to him and it's making his chest hurt. 'He's amazing' is all Matt thinks. Matthew is soft and gentle and sweet and snarky and beautiful. He's all Matt wants but knows he doesn't deserve. With his clouded judgment, Matt makes the biggest mistake he thinks he'll ever make in his entire eternal life.

Matt reaches a hand up to grab Matthew's face. Matthew starts to say his name but Matt kisses him harshly, cutting off his words. Matthew lets out a squeak in surprise at the gesture, the noise jolts Matt back into clear consciousness. He pulls away quickly, fumbling out of the booth. He stands with his back to Matthew, a deep blush crossing his face. He grips a hand over his mouth in frustration as what he just did. How could he do that to Matthew?

"Sorry," he grumbles out. He leaves the diner before he does anything else stupid. He's so mad at himself for kissing Matthew in a moment of spiteful jealousy. He feels so awful, like the world just crumbled to pieces around him. He's so disturbed with himself. Matthew deserved better than that, than Matt. He knows he needs to stop these destructive thoughts but right now he lets them pour out in his mind. He feels he deserves it for doing that to his double. Matt feels sick.

Matthew watches his retreating form out the window, in shock. Matt had _kissed_ him. He sits in the diner looking at the clouds, his head in a dizzy. Matt had kissed him and Matthew couldn't have been happier and more shocked. He never expected Matt to do that. His double always seemed to be looking for him, watching him. It starts to make sense in Matthew's mind. Maybe Matt does like him. Maybe he can talk to him later, to figure it all out. He pays the bill as the meeting time comes closer. Matthew plays with his fingers as he walks back to the conference hall, a walking bundle of nerves. He doesn't know what to make of Matt's actions. He does know it makes his chest bloom with happiness.

* * *

 **AN:** ah so much angst~ hope you're all enjoying it XP 2p Prussia based of scribblemynizzle on tumblr. This is kind of a long chapter isn't it?

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong to me


	4. Meeting Day 3

Matthew waits anxiously for the meeting to start, bouncing his legs and tapping his fingers on the table. He got there early to wait for Matt to come sit next to him, to talk to him, to help him figure out what had happened in the diner exactly, and what it meant for them. Matthew looks to Feliciano sitting in Luciano's lap talking animatedly about something. Matthew smiles at the two. He doesn't want to be that overly affectionate in public with Matt, but he would love to hold his hand and cuddle him and kiss his face. He just wants Matt to come to him like he always does.

That doesn't happen though. Alfred slides into the seat next to him and Matthew gives him a curious look. Matthew is now worried if Matt is okay. He wonders if Matt isn't coming because of him. Maybe he didn't give Matt enough of a sign he likes him too. Maybe he's taken Matt for granted, with his gentle 'hellos' and blushing faces. Matthew nudges Alfred with his elbow.

"Al said he wanted to sit next to his brother today," is all Alfred gives as an answer, shrugging his shoulders. Matthew is entirely baffled by it all. Why would Matt kiss him, then run off like that? He wants to know what is going on in Matt's head, how he's feeling, and what he feels for Matthew. He's still mentally panicking when Matt and Al come in just as Ludwigs begins to talk. Matthew feels a rush of relief at seeing his double. The brothers quickly take their seats. Matthew keeps his eyes glued on Matt, waiting for him to look up, to look at Matthew. But he never does. Throughout the whole meeting, Matt doesn't even glance at him. And it kills Matthew.

* * *

When Matt barged into their room and asked Al to sit next to him at the meeting, he expected his asshole of a brother to laugh at him or call him names or something completely different other than saying 'sure, no problem' with a shrug of his shoulders. Matt thanked him coarsely, but full of appreciation for Al's acceptance of his strange request. He feels grateful to the little shit for once. Al doesn't ask question as to why Matt wants to sit together, or even tease him. Moments like this are what make Matt remember back when they had been first colonized together and still on good terms. They stuck to each other like glue, keeping each other safe and out of trouble.

Then Al broke off for independence. It had been the first time he and Matt fought seriously, with the aim to cause harm to the other. It definitely hadn't been the last. Almost every time they saw each other after that, they got in some sort of battle, for some stupid reason or another. If not for Oliver pushing them to be nicer, they wouldn't have even been able to tolerate each other when the gate opened, let alone fight side by side together. He and Al sought each other out, almost on instinct, to fight back to back against whatever foe came through that rift.

Even though they can't physically fight Matthew, Matt is glad his brother still has his back. Even for a shitty reason. They sit in silence during the meeting, both with their arms crossed and sunglasses on, glaring at all that look at them. It's one of the most brotherly thing's they've ever done together. Again, Matt feels that pang of gratitude towards his brother. Al is one of the best and worst things in Matt's life. Matt thinks throughout the meeting that this is one of the hardest things he's ever done. He's never ignored Matthew. Everyday, he would go and say 'hello' to make sure Matthew know he saw him. He got into routine of going straight to Matthew to acknowledge his double, to see his smiling face.

Matt realizes now that he can't do that anymore. It causes a streak of self loathing to course through him. He's ruined his ability to get close to Matthew. Matthew doesn't need him and he certainly deserves better than Matt. It has been one big mistake to get close to Matthew at all. Matt feels sick again. Al gives him curious glances throughout the meeting but does nothing, even controlling himself from talking to Alfred. Al drags Matt back to their room at the end of the meeting. He doesn't know why Matt is acting strange, but the fact Matt went to him makes him a bit happy. Al never feels needed, and even if it's for Matt's own selfish reasons, Al will help him. He sits Matt down and makes him tea with honey, and sings soft songs to lull his brother to sleep.

* * *

Matthew is silently crying into Kumajiro back in his room. The bear came running up to him the moment the door opened, feeling his pain. Matthew swept him up in his arms and hid himself in his room. Matt has never ignored him like that before, never ignored him at all. He figured Matt felt overly embarrassed due to the incident in the diner, so he would let it go and talk to him when he felt better. But it still hurt. Matt is always there for him, and Matthew has begun to rely on him. Having that stability taken away shakes Matthew more than he cares to admit. He takes Matt for granted and he's angry at himself for not appreciating Matt more.

A knock comes from his door, starling him. He quickly wipes the tears off his face before going to open the door so he can make himself presentable. The door opens before he's ready. Matthew tries to hide his face in the white fur of his companion, but it's too late. Alfred freezes in the doorway, mouth open as if to say something, but the words get caught in his throat at the sight of Matthew's red face. They lock eyes, neither moving. It's not long before Alfred breaks the silence as he always does.

"So who do I nuke?" the serious way Alfred says it, like he means he will actually bomb the holy hell out of whoever made his brother upset, makes Matthew laugh if only just a little. Alfred comes inside to sit beside him on the bed and Matthew rests his head against his brother's shoulder, petting his upset bear. Alfred puts his arm around him and Matthew lets a few more quiet tears fall. They sit in silence, Alfred rubbing small circles on his back, waiting for Matthew to talk.

"I've never felt so _invisible_." Matthew says finally, his voice miserable. Alfred feels a twist in his gut. He knows that a long time ago when he first declared himself independent, he and Matthew broke apart and Alfred had a hard time recognizing him, remembering him. Whenever they met up for business, Alfred couldn't for the life of him _see_ Matthew. Alfred feels horrible for forgetting his brother everyday, now knowing that at the time he did forget, everyone else had already forgotten, leaving Matthew alone with a bear. A bear Alfred will never admit aloud he _thanked_ for being there for his sibling when Alfred had been too stupid to do so himself. Finally when the memories kicked in, Alfred remembered Matthew full force. Now he makes sure to always include Matthew, ask him his opinion, text him when something fun happens, or just call him when he's bored and wants to hang out.

"Matt's an idiot for doing that to you," Alfred says bitterly after Matthew explains exactly why he's weeping into Kumajiro's fur. He does leave out the kiss part in the diner. Matthew has expressed many times how he feels when people don't remember who he is. He knows Matt knows he hates his 'super power' of being unseen. He keeps close to those who do remember him, and more and more people are starting to see him, Alfred makes sure of that. But Matthew knows Alfred has no idea how it feels to be ignored by people, how much it hurts to be seen, then nothing.

"I know he's just embarrassed, but it still hurts," Matthew lets out a small sob. Kumajiro paws at his chest, not knowing why his food giver is making sad noises, but wants him to stop. Matthew forces out a laugh, nuzzling the bear. Kumajiro can feel his emotions. The small polar bear is just as much a part of Canada as Matthew is. He's been with Matthew before colonization. Alfred scowls.

"Are you gunna ignore him back?"

"No, that'll just end in us not speaking for years. You remember how that worked out between you and Arthur." Alfred groans at the memory. Independence drew a rift between them, and the Boston Tea Party did not help at all. The day he and Arthur started speaking again had been one of the most awkward days in Alfred's life, much to Matthew's amusement. Suddenly, Alfred gets an idea.

"Maybe we can do something to him ya know? Like put pink hair dye in his shampoo, make him look like Oliver!" Alfred jumps off the bed in excitement, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Kumajiro whines at the sudden movement causing his owner to smile. Matthew briefly thinks Alfred spends too much time with his double to have that kind of look on his face.

"I don't think that's necessary Alfred, but thank you. I'm just going try to talk to Matt tomorrow, tell him everything's okay." Alfred's smile falls just a little at Matthew's rejection to his hair dye idea, but he's glad that Matthew isn't crying into his bear anymore. He leaves Matthew alone for a while so he can blow his nose. When Matthew emerges from his room, Alfred makes him coffee with maple syrup. Matthew rolls his eyes at coffee at four in the afternoon, but drinks it anyway. He and Alfred spend the rest of the night playing video games and dancing around their room like animals to really loud music.

"What did tall and grumpy even do to make him want to ignore you?" Alfred asks the middle of their last lap of Mario Cart, a twizzler hanging from his teeth. Matthew is startled by the question and falls off the road. Taking that as a hint, Alfred pauses the game. He gazes at Matthew expectantly. They've been playing the game together for years, both getting really good at even the most difficult of tracks. There's no way Matthew would do something so careless as fall off the road unless something major happened.

"Oh, nothing really. He just.. kissed me is all," Matthew says the last part quickly, hiding his face in one of his hands. Alfred's face twists up in confusion. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, as if to say something, then changes his mind. Eventually Alfred settles on the best thing to say.

"Huh?" Matthew lowers his hand and looks at his brother, his mouth hanging open and a twizzler in his hand. He looks utterly dumbfounded. Matthew sighs, explaining what happened at the diner being the reason for Matt's behavior. Alfred makes faces throughout the story, especially at the part where Matt kisses his brother. Matthew waits patiently for Alfred to freak out, scream, or threaten to blow someone up again. Maybe a mix of all three.

"Well, that's awkward." is all he says. Matthew lets out a stream of giggles at his brother's blunt answer. Alfred always blew things out of proportion, and yet always seemed to bring Matthew's issues down to size. He nods his head in agreement. Alfred's puzzled face comes back and he looks up at the ceiling.

"Do you like him too though?" Alfred's question is innocent. Matthew keeps a smile on his face as he tells him, that yes, he does like Matt as well. Alfred faces the TV again, a pout on his face. He had a feeling Matthew liked his double, you don't grow up with Francis and not learn a thing or two about romance, as gross as it is.

"I'll forgive him this time, but if he ever makes you cry again, the hero will punch him in the face for you," Alfred gives Matthew his hero face, making him smile. Alfred's hero obsession has its perks.

* * *

 **AN:** I'm sure I've mentioned how much sibling love gives me life~ Yes Matt is ignoring Matthew, because he's an idiot and doesn't know how to feeling. Thank you so much to the people who review and give comments it means so much to me. It leaves me in a state of blushing covering my face oh my goodness.

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong to me


	5. Meeting Day 4

**Warning:** There's a lot more swearing in this chapter, just so ya know.

* * *

Matt is frozen in his seat. Al agreed to share a table with him for another day but he can tell his brother is getting curious to Matt's actions. Matthew had come in and tried to talk to Matt right off the bat, but he ignored him. Matthew made a small sad noise and Matt could feel his heart break. It killed him to pretend Matthew didn't exist, but he kept telling himself 'Matthew deserves better.' His destructive thoughts got the best of him late at night. Now he's stuck in a sick cycle of self loathing. Matthew tries multiple times during the meeting to get Matt's attention, from calling his name, throwing things at him, and even standing right in front of Matt while the Spains talk.

Matt is struggling to keep up appearances, and Al's incredulous looks are not helping. He closes his eyes, though he's sure no one can tell through the blackness of his sunglasses. He's clenching his hands together in effort to not see Matthew's dejected face. He manages to get through the meeting, jumping to his feet the second it's over. He doesn't look back to the conference building and he doesn't go back to the hotel. Matt opts to go for a walk in the complete opposite direction. He gets lost a few times but he doesn't care. It's not until it's dark out does he even think of returning to the hotel.

His forlorn feelings and sadness have turned to rage. He's unreasonably angry at Luciano for being with Feliciano, sparking the hope that he might have been able to be with Matthew. He's angry at Al for pushing him to talk to his double, giving him the opening to get close to him. He's so angry for thinking that Matthew and he could even be together, angry at himself. Matthew is too good and kind for anyone and Matt knows that if they were ever to be together, Matt would be Matthew's biggest mistake. Matt just wants to get some sense smacked into his head, and he knows just the person to go to.

* * *

Matthew has never been more upset in his life. Yesterday had been awful, but he had been able to pass it off as Matt being shy and embarrassed by his actions. Matthew planned to talk him today, tell him that he didn't mind the kiss, and would be more than willing to have more of them, if Matt stopped being a brat. That doesn't happen though. Matt ignores him more today to the point where Matthew can feel his heart snapping in two like the wall Luciano punched during their last week of conferences.

It hurt so much, to be the center of someone's attention, to have them come to you first thing and leave you last, only for them to drop you because of one incident, that could be solved if he just stopped running away and _listened_. Matt always listened to Matthew ramble on about things in his life, hockey or snow or Alfred. Matt has always been there, and Matthew loves him for it. To have that ripped away from him hurts so much.

Matthew just wants Matt back. He wants Matt to stand next him looking tired and done with the world. He wants Matt to sit next to him and not pay attention to the meetings. He wants Matt to blush easily at the smiles that Matthew gives him. He wants Matt to show him that rare smile of his. He wants Matt back in his life. It's only been a day, and Matthew is falling to pieces without him.

Alfred leaves him alone this time. Matthew isn't as teary. He's clearly more mad. Alfred knows better than to mess with him during this flare of emotion. Matthew is kicking the furniture back in their room, trying to get some of his anger out. Kumajiro is scratching at the walls in reaction to his owner's actions. Matthew knows he's stupidly in love with Matt, and he just wants to tell him.

* * *

"What the ever living shit is up with you huh?" Al barks when Matt slams open the door to their room. He flips Matt off. When he doesn't respond, Al comes to stand right in front of him and shove him back. Matt still doesn't respond and Al bristles.

"You hear me lumberfuck?" Matt glares down at his brother. Al is shorter than him by at least a foot, maybe more, but Al is a firecracker and very impulsive, making him seem taller. He slams his hands into Matt again, forcing him to take a step back.

"I asked if you heard me fuck face. First you're all pissed off and moody, asking me to sit next to you, which I did without question, _asshole_. Then you run off, without your god damn cell phone, and don't come back till now? You made me _worried_ about you, you shit eating fuck!" Al is pushing dangerously at Matt's buttons, and they both know it. Al has always been the best one to make Matt angry, knowing exactly what to say to put Matt on edge. Al slams his hands against him again, but this time Matt retaliates. He grips Al by his shirt, hoisting him off the ground, bringing them face to face. Al's only reaction is to glare harder.

"Get your bat Al," Matt whispers deadly then drops Al back to the ground. He stares at Matt for a moment before a wild, twisted smirk makes its way onto his face, a troublesome glint in his eyes.

"Good, give me a reason to beat the shit out of you for making me worried." Matt grits his teeth, stomping into his room. He drops to his knees and pulls out one of his hockey sticks, the one without the blade on the edge. Back in the living room, Al is waiting, a insane smile on his face, and a bat over his shoulder, the one without the nails. They never use the weapons embedded with metal. At least, not on each other.

"Fuck you," Al spits out. He lunges for Matt.

* * *

The room is completely destroyed. Tables and chairs are broken in pieces all over the room. Matt had thrown them at Al when he stepped out of range of his hockey stick. There's broken glass scattering the floor from the coffee table. Al pushed Matt down into it when he jumped on him to punch him in the face. The TV is on the floor from when one of them ran into it. Small dents cover the walls from their misplaced hits. There are tiny puddles of blood everywhere. They broke all the furniture in the room in some way or another. They swore so much Oliver's ears would have bled.

As their brawl started to slow down, their hits less forced and bodies aching with bruises, Al had screamed out if the reason Matt had been acting like a prick is because of Matthew. At the accusation Matt hit Al in the chest, sending him into the wall, before dropping to the ground and crying. Not a few tears quiet crying, full blown sobs that shook his body and made it hard for him to see. Al stood bewildered at the sight in front of him. Matt never cried. Maybe when they were younger but not now. Al knows he's the crier between them. Whatever had been eating at Matt really took its toll.

After Matt's initial break down, Al grabbed a first aid kit and some hot chocolate. He sat with his back to Matt's, their panting the only noise between them. Eventually Matt had enough in him to spill about how he felt about himself and about Matthew. He used as few words as possible. Al listened silently, bandaging his own leg, then moving to clean the glass out of Matt's arm. Both sporting bruises, split lips, and a black eye each. It would be healed within a week, but it still hurt.

"Fuck dude," is all Al said after he finished talking. For Matt, it had been the best thing for Al to say to him. He didn't want Al's comforting words, they both know Al is crap when it comes to saying compassionate things on his own. Their beat each other up sessions are their version of comfort.

They sit on the floor, in the middle of their tornado of a fight, unmoving. Al has enough air in him to softly sing a song that he knows Matt likes. The song is about a man coming home after a long trip to his loved one. It makes Matt tear up again, and he can't find the effort to care. Al has seen him at his worst, fought beside him at his best, and stayed through all the shit inbetween. He feels better after getting the crap beat out of him. His darker thoughts subside just enough for him to think clearly. Now he knows, he needs to talk to Matthew. Avoiding the situation will not help anything. Oh, and he's also an idiot for thinking that ignoring the situation would solve anything.

"We got to clean some of this up," Al says finally, when he finishes the song. Matt nods slowly. They don't move for another ten minutes. Al is the first to stand and Matt follows. They begin to make their way around the room, putting things into piles of broken pieces. It takes them an hour or two to clean up majority of the mess. Finding all the glass pieces being the worst job. Al huffs in satisfaction at their shabby clean up job.

"I'll have to tell sunshine we fucked up his room," Al snickers. Matt rolls his eyes. The fact Al can smile with a busted lip confuses him. Al places a hand on Matt's shoulder, but doesn't look at him.

"What are you going to do about Matthew? You can't keep ignoring the kid." Al's voice is gentle as it can be. Neither of them are gentle, the evidence for that all over the room, but this is their bonding and it works for them. Matt shrugs. He doesn't know how to face Matthew anymore. He doesn't even know if Matthew will talk to him, he knows he doesn't deserve it.

"Well, whatever you do, don't fuck it up." Al pats his shoulder awkwardly once and heads into his room. Matt sighs. He knows he can't ignore Matthew forever. It had been nearly impossible earlier that day. He grimaces at the idea of Matthew rejecting him now. If Matthew doesn't want to talk to him, then Matt will have to accept that he's made a huge mistake.

* * *

 **AN:** Brotherly.. love? Maybe? Also I'm sorry? Not too proud of this chapter, but it's also my favorite cause Al? Question marks? I hope you all are enjoying it so far.

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong to me.


	6. Meeting Day 5

It's by far the most awkward meeting Matt has ever been too. Even more awkward than the time Gilbert came to the meeting dressed as girl. He and Matthew are skirting around each other. Giving sparse glances and looking away when eye contact is accidentally made. The looking away is mostly done on Matt's part. Matthew looks so upset that Matt can't look at him for very long. He knows it's his fault Matthew has that kind of expression. He wants to talk to him, but his shyness and awkwardness is kicking him in the gut. He doesn't know what to say.

Halfway through the meeting, Ludwig calls a break, hoping that it will give the nations a chance to get their energy out so they can focus for the last few hours. They all know it won't work and will more than likely have the opposite effect. Al grabs his hand roughly and pulls him out of the room when they're dismissed for their ten minutes. He drags Matt down the hallway and pushes him into an empty snack room. He sits Matt down in one of the chairs. Al is glaring at him.

"What the hell is taking you so long?" Al hisses at him. Matt clenches his fists together, not answering. In frustration, Al throws his hands up and starts to make coffee. Matt raises an eyebrow at the action. Al doesn't drink coffee, especially since the way he's making it includes milk. His brother huffs and turns around to face Matt. Matt's face falls to misery.

"I don't know what to say," he mumbles out. Al groans, rolling his eyes. He stands beside Matt and pushes at his shoulders. Matt lets him.

"Well, sorry would be a good start," the new voice makes both brothers look to the doorway. Alfred is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, looking annoyed. Al's face lights up at the new addition to the room. Matt looks back down at the table. Al moves over to Alfred, trying to pull him into a hug, but Alfred places a hand on his face to keep him away.

"You made him real upset bro," Alfred continues. He enters the room and goes to the coffee maker, finished with its job. He pours himself a cup and glares at Matt who has returned his gaze to Alfred. Matt feels awful. Alfred shouldn't be here telling Matt what to do. Matt knows what he has to do, he just doesn't know if he can. Still glaring, the American takes a sip of his coffee, but as soon as he does, his irritated demeanor drops.

"Wow whoever made this, needs to keep making it, its amazing. But yeah Matt fix it. Apologize and all that." With that, Alfred dodges Al's grabbing hands and exits the room. Matt raises an eyebrow at his smug brother. Al gives him a cheeky smirk and follows after his double. Matt sighs again. He feels so alone, nearly lost. He's gotten so used to Matthew's presence, that without it, it messes with his mind. He lays his head down on the table, debating whether or not skip the last of the meeting.

* * *

"Yo Matthew!" He jumps as his name is called. Coming down the hallway is a very satisfied looking Al, with Alfred looking puzzled right beside him. Seeing the two not fighting or teasing each other is a weird sight to Matthew. He briefly thinks he's gone absolutely crazy. With the way he's been acting without Matt, he might as well be. Al approaches him and throws an arm over his shoulder, pulling Matthew down to his height. He squeaks at the gesture.

"So I saw Matt sulking in one of the snack rooms by himself," Al tells him innocently. Alfred's puzzled face grows more puzzled. Matthew blinks at Al, whose smirk lessons.

"Oh my god take the hint and go talk to him. You know as much as I do that Matt is too chicken shit to come talk to you first," Al shoves Matthew down the hallway. Matthew catches himself and swivels back to gape at Al. With his smirk back full force, he links arms with Alfred and drags him back to their meeting.

"Second to last on the left," Al calls out, and they're gone.

* * *

Matt doesn't want to move. He knows the meeting is starting soon, but doesn't think he can face Matthew again. His double has been through enough turmoil because of him, and Matt doesn't want to be the cause of it anymore.

"Matt?" he tenses at the gentle voice. He cautiously raises his head to the doorway. Matthew's eyes are on him, he's wringing his hands together, and he looks nervous. Matt sits up straighter and snaps his eyes back to the table. This is not how he expected this confrontation to go. He didn't expect a confrontation at all.

"Matt." The gentle tone of Matthew's voice disappears completely. Matt looks back to his double, all nervousness gone from his features, replaced entirely with frustration. Matthew stomps forward. He grabs Matt by his collar, yanks him up out of his seat, and throws him on the ground. Matt has the wind knocked out of him. He momentarily forgot how much strength Matthew has. Matthew sits on his stomach, glowering down at him. He grabs Matt's collar again to lift him off the ground and slam him on the floor again.

"I'm so _mad_ at you!" Matthew yells, his face puffing up in anger. Matt blinks wide eyed at the loudness. Matthew has always been soft spoken, even when being snarky and teasing. Matthew slams him on the ground again.

"How could you do this to me Matt? How could you treat me like I matter then just ignore me like I'm _invisible_? Do you know how much that hurts Matt? Do you?" Matthews voice keeps raising with every word he says. Matt gulps. He's seen Matthew irritated, frustrated even, but not full on furious. Matthew pulls him up close to his face.

"It hurts so much Matt, to feel loved, just to have that thrown away, like it was _nothing_." Matthew whispers. Matthew drops him to the ground and buries his head into Matt's shoulder. He's missed Matt so much and all he wants to do take him back to his part of Canada. Matt is frozen beneath Matthew. He's doing his best to focus on breathing not know what to even think at Matthew's anger. Matthew starts to shake, and it takes Matt a moment to realize it's cause Matthew is crying. And it's Matt's fault.

"Please Matt," Matthew is so quiet that Matt stops breathing to hear him. Matthew lets out a soft sob before continuing.

"Please don't leave me. Please don't ignore me. Please Matt." Matthew is begging through his crys and Matt's heart is hurting. He sits up suddenly, putting his arms around Matthew's waist, pulling him as close as he can. Now having access, Matthew's arms are around his shoulders. Matt closes his eyes tight, the sound of Matthew crying breaking his heart more than he ever thought possible. He whispers apologies in French as a few tears slip out. Matt starts to talk.

He tells Matthew _everything_. He tells him how he felt when he found out there are two Canada's, and how he felt the moment he first saw Matthew smiling up at him. He tells him about how he feels when Matthew pays attention to him and gives him those smiles, about how Matt purposfully wears sunglasses in odd places to help cover the blush that Matthew puts on his face. He tells him about how jealous he felt, how dejected he felt, during their breakfast with Gilbert and Klaus. He tells him how he feels Matthew deserves so much better than a double like him. He tells Matthew about how he feels like he's a mistake to both worlds when someone like Matthew exists. He tells how he feels that Matthew is the better Canada, and that he should not exist.

It's quiet between them when the words stop coming out. They're both trying to catch their breath, Matthew from his crying, and Matt from talking. It's the most he's talked in the past hundred years combined. Matt is amazed, once again, at Matthew for still being there in his arms. He's sad when Matthew pulls back to rub some of the tear streaks from his face, but he keeps an arm around Matt's shoulders.

"I swear Matthew, I can see the Northern Lights in your eyes, and it makes me fall in love with you even more every time." Matt says guffly, his voice cracking due to the tears that fell during in his speech. Matthew laughs lightly, a smile coming to his face that makes his chest spark with happiness. Matt does the only thing that makes sense. He leans forward and places a soft kiss on Matthew's lips.

He pulls back, and Matthew embraces him, clinging to him. It's his turn to say sweet things to Matt. He tells Matt how he felt when he first saw him and how as he got to know him, he fell for Matt and his shyness. How Matt is everything he could ever want and more. How he loves the grumpy faces Matt makes. He tells him how his rare smiles are what Matthew lives to see. He tells him so many times that Matt is enough, and exactly what Matthew deserves. Matthew finishes and Matt keeps him tight, trying to memorize the feel of Matthew in his arms. He doesn't know how long he'll have to hold Matthew like this, and he wants it to remain with for him as long as it can.

"J'taime Matt, so much," Matthew whispers in his ear. Matt can feel a blush coming on his face and buries his head in Matthew's shoulder to hide it. His emotions going wild. Matthew laughs at the action and runs a hand through Matt's hair. They've been quiet with each other and Matthew's confession broke the silence.

"J'taime Matthew, more than anything." Matthew's laugh is the most beautiful thing Matt's ever heard. They sit in the snack room in each others embrace for a long time, rubbing circles on each others backs. Matt's dark thoughts come back to him though. He feels he's making a mistake being here with Matthew, feels like he's holding back his double. He tries to remove the thoughts, but Matthew notices the grimace on his features.

"What's wrong grumpy face?" Matthew teases, running a hand across Matt's cheek. Matt grumbles in response, closing his eyes tight. He feels so comfortable with Matthew, like he's a piece of him that Matt has been living without for years. That's exactly what Matthew is. Matt takes a deep breath.

"Are you.. sure about me? What if this is some sort of mistake.." his rough voice trails off. He doesn't want to be a mistake for Matthew, even though he feels he is. Matthew's sudden laughter drowns out all the bad thoughts from Matt's mind. Matthew kisses him softly and his words bring a small smile to Matt's face.

"How could this be a mistake Matt? Who better to love me than myself?"

* * *

 **AN:** Ah.. I hope that wasn't too.. anti-climactic? But they're happy now :D Thank you to those who review~

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong me


	7. One Week Later

"Are you positive you know this?" Arthur asks for the tenth time. Matthew rolls his eyes, but smiles, at his father figure's questioning. Matthew knows that Arthur isn't asking because he thinks Matthew can't handle it, but because he's a worried parent. Matthew doesn't mind.

"Yes I am _positive_ ," he says walking down the path away from Arthur's house. The huffy British man waves to Matthew as he gets into the cab. Matthew had spent the last two days there, learning how to do the gate opening spell that connects the two worlds. Arthur had been ecstatic to teach him how to do magic, since no one ever believed he could do magic before. He was so pleased, he didn't even ask _why_ Matthew wanted to learn the spell. It hadn't been too hard to learn, but Arthur made him practice the motions a few hundred times, just to make sure.

"A spell gone wrong could do some serious damage. Take breaching the two worlds at all for example." Arthur hadn't meant to open a gate connecting the two, but now that he had, it's too late. Matthew smiles at Arthur's complaints about the outcome of his actions. Matthew is more than happy that Arthur blundered with his spell.

The car ride and plane ride back to his home in the mountains make Matthew restless. He's confident in his ability to perform the spell and wants to try it out as soon as he can. He flies from the taxi that drove him up to his home. Matthew is giddy, getting the necessary items for the spell to work. He draws a door on an open space on his wall, putting a few magic symbols around the edge that Arthur told him are super important. He picks up his phone and calls the one person he's anxious to see.

"You ready?" he asks excitedly when Matt answers the phone. A grunt on the other line is the only answer he gets, and it's good enough for him. Matthew keeps Matt on the line as he chants the magic sayings Arthur burned into his brain. The outline of the door shimmers, coming full form into an actual door. It's quiet. Matthew begins to panic, thinking he had done the spell wrong, said it wrong, drew it wrong, worrying his head off if Matt's okay. The door opens.

Matt steps through the portal a bit dizzy like he's been spun in circles. He puts a hand to his head and looks up to lock eyes with Matthew. Matthew is relieved that he did it all right and runs forward to hug Matt, who immediately brings his arms around Matthew's smaller form, a small smile on his face. He pulls Matt into his home, closing the doorway behind him. He begins to talk about how he's been and how much effort he spent into trying to learn the spell and Arthur's constant nagging. Matt nods his head along to his story.

They spend the week enjoying each other's company, Matthew dragging him places in his version of Canada. Matt is completely enamored. The land is as beautiful as Matthew and it leaves him breathless. Matthew teases him when they take hikes to explore the land, because the moose come right up to Matt and nudge his head. Some even bow to him, making Matthew drop to the ground in giggles. Matt's blushing face not helping.

Matthew makes him all sorts of food during his stay and Matt thinks this is heaven, and Matthew is his angel. Matt still can't comprehend the sweet things and loving words Matthew tells him. Matt sometimes doesn't feel worthy of Matthew's attention and affection, but his dark thoughts become far and few between with Matthew near him. Matt decides that Matthew is his guardian angel. When he expresses this thought to his double, Matthew laughs. Matthew tells him that Matt is his guardian angel. Matt doesn't believe him, but with the way Matthew smiles at him, he figures it may not be that bad.

At the end of a week Matt has to head back. Arthur's warning of a week being the safest long term period for someone from the other world to stay in theirs scares Matthew and he wants Matt to be as safe as possible. With a long hug and a quick kiss, Matt is back in his own world.

* * *

Matt comes to Matthew's world often thanks to him learning the spell to open the gate. The fact Matthew wants him around makes him happier than anything, even Al's teasing not bringing down his spirits. A few days before their next meeting, Matthew tells him he's not going to open the gate, worried that something bad will happen to Matt if he stays too long in their world. Matt doesn't mention that he's stayed longer before and it didn't hurt.

"I'm excited to see you though," Matthew says through the phone. Matt is glad that he doesn't have to hide his blush from Matthew this time. His sweet words always make Matt flush up, although he's getting better at controlling his reactions.

"Me too," Matt mutters his reply. Matthew doesn't mind that Matt doesn't say a lot. He knows that if Matt ever felt the need to say something, now he would. Matthew rambles on about how Alfred is freaking out about the meeting because he's not finished with his speech, Matt replies with how Al hasn't even bothered to start his. It's a pleasant conversation. Matt has never been more content with the world.

* * *

 **AN:** This chapter is ridiculously short, so surprise! Moose King Matt anyone? Ah sorry for the last chapter.. I tried a few times to make it.. more than what it was but I could never get it to sound right. Sorry XP Thanks for sticking with this story~ There is one more(shoooort) chapter after this that will be up Monday~

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong to me


	8. The Next Meeting

Matt and Matthew seek each other out when they first arrive to the hotel. They give each other a lingering hug and move to go meet up with the Americas for a late lunch. Their hands are intertwined and Matt's no longer blushing like a school boy. His cheeks become peppered red when Matthew squeezes his hand though, and Matthew enjoys exploiting his ability. Some of the other nations are giving them strange looks as they realize that the two of them are holding hands. Al and Alfred are happy and Gilbert gives them a wink and thumbs up. Feliciano flat out runs up to Matthew for a hug when he notices.

Lunch passes by without incident. Alfred and Al seem to be on better terms and it makes Matthew smile. Matt is gazing out the window with his chin in his hand. Matthew is holding his other hand and gives it a squeeze. A slight red tinge makes it's way onto Matt's face but he does not move. Matthew giggles and cuddles up against his double. Alfred sticks out his tongue, making a comment on how gross and coupley they're being. It doesn't bother Matthew at all, and Matt is finally feeling like what he's done isn't a mistake.

* * *

"Do you think they'll be mad?" Matthew whispers to his double. They're sitting close together, Matthew leaning up against Matt who has his arm around Matthew's waist. Their usual two chairs have been replaced with a bench. Matthew blames Alfred. They watch blank faced as both sets of parental figures make their way into the meeting room. Francis is the first to notice their position, coming right over to talk about l'amour. Oliver notices second nearly bursting into happy tears at the sight of them together. Arthur and Francois are not pleased, which causes a fight between them all.

Matthew simply smiles, cuddling deeper into Matt's side, at the squabble. Matt holds him tighter. Alfred and Al are grinning at them from their table in front of them. Alfred had been the first to remember Matthew and he's closer to him than most, so the fact that Alfred is okay with him and Matt being together, make it so much easier on him. Their father figures continue to bicker until Gilbert gets so annoyed with their noise, he jumps onto a table in the front and screams he's going to start the meeting whether they're ready or not.

He and Matt take joint notes throughout the meeting, writing one sentence, then switching for the other to write one. The meeting passes by quicker than Matthew thought possible. They join up with their American brothers for dinner again. Matt holds Matthew's hand the whole time. He really likes the feel of their hands joined together. He watches Matthew lazily. He's insanely in love with his double. When Matthew turns to ask him a question, Matt kisses him quickly so he can't get any words out. Matthew blinks, then a blush pops up on his face. Alfred bursts into a fit of laughter as Matthew hides his now red face.

"HAH oh that's so great! You made Mattie blush!" Alfred points and laughs at his brother, much to Matthew's annoyance. Matt feels he's done something right with Matthew, and there's no way he could ever make the mistake of losing him again.

* * *

 **AN:** Oh god this chapter is so short I am so sorry XP This is the last chapter to this fic. Next up is 'Your Voice', a 1p x 2p Prussia story~ Thank you for staying~

 **Disclaimer:** Hetalia ain't no belong me.


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